LET ‘EM KNOW YOU LIKE ‘EM

The best piece of performing advice I know...

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LET ‘EM KNOW YOU LIKE ‘EM

I first wrote this piece back in the fall of 2023, but this week, as I was writing a grant for a new show I have been dreaming up, it was on my mind.

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The Skunk Hollow Tavern is a magic little spot in Hartland, VT. It’s been a tavern since it was built in 1790, which for the States is an old building. Every Wednesday there’s a fire in the fireplace, an open mic set up in the corner, and people are packed in tight enough to be sharing tables with strangers and not moving from the spot they finally find to prop their drink.

Open mics are curious things. There are all sorts of reasons people want to be on a mic. Some want to practice. Some need therapy. Some, like me, want to try out something new and see how it lands on a new audience. There’s usually a little community of regulars that everyone knows, and when you’re the new person coming in, you often get pushed back to a less-than-great spot on the list. I hadn’t done an open mic in a long time, and I found myself in that position. I didn't know the regulars; I was feeling kind of invisible, and I was a little more nervous than I like to be.

I got my guitar, looked around the room, took a deep breath, and said my favorite performing mantra to myself.

“Let Them Know You Like Them.”

It’s an elegant little piece of advice that I got from a Terry Gross Fresh Air interview with Tony Bennett. He credited it to Bob Hope, and Bob Hope says its an old Jewish saying. I think it's the best piece of performing advice there is.

Let Them Know You Like Them.

By the time you’re getting on stage, you have what you have to offer. We don’t have that much control over how we’re received. It's way more under our influence to focus on how we’re making other people feel. It may start as a hack to help with butterflies, but at some point, you stop SAYING it to yourself and you just BELIEVE it, and that’s a really great place to be. You look out at the humans around you, and there they are, in all their beauty and messiness, and you actually DO like them.

I'm sure there are some naturally Buddah-like people who don't have to work at this, but I'm not that enlightened. I sometimes need to take myself out of my head and into my heart manually. It’s easy in a listening room. It’s harder in a pub where ignoring the person on stage is the norm. I practice it. I practice really trying to see people.

In Olympia WA, there’s an old clarinet player. Like any of us, Tom’s a complex guy, but he’s a master musician, no question. He’s also the first person to have something heartfelt and generous to say about ANY other musician’s performance, from the beginingest beginner to the proist pro. He’s taken that part of himself that LOVES music and devoted time, attention and effort to it for more than 7 decades. He’s loyal to his craft and his muse. When he recognizes even a whiff of that perfume in another person- he acknowledges it. He never compares. He only applauds. He did it for me, and I try to echo that for other artists.

I remind myself how many people out there are longing for something I’m longing for too. At The Skunk Hollow Tavern on a Wednesday night, everybody’s here with people they care about or want to impress. They’re spending money and hoping for a night that will stand out. Me too. I look around and I just try to remember that I really have SOMETHING in common with everyone there. I’m the one who’s getting on stage; it's not their job to SEE me, it's mine to recognize them.

We’re all trying to figure out what it means to "belong" in the twisted-up world we’re living in. It can help to remember that we aren't waiting for other people to like us, or our work, which I know sometimes feels like one and the same (but isn’t). We have so very little control over that. We can only be true to our practice, share it the best we can, and RECOGNIZE that same leaning in other people. It’s a powerful point of connection.

See each other. We need each other. We just do.

Let Them Know You Like Them.

It works on stage. It works in grocery stores and at dinner parties. It works when you’re making a portrait, shooting a video, mixing an album. It works when you’re feeling shy, and when you are feeling bold. It works when you’re writing a newsletter. How about that? Thanks for being here. You’re a freaking wonder.

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Check out this logo I made for my brother River! He’s got a new album out!

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WORKING ARTISTS ON SUBSTACK!

I’ve starting an online meetup for working artists and singer-songwriters called WORK IT WEDNESDAYS. We’re talking about how we can support each other on Substack, and in releasing LONG FORM work. I got this idea from

Seth Werkheiser

over at Social Media Escape Club.

I enjoyed our first call so much! We talked about giving busyness the middle finger and getting rid of creative clutter. If you are a working artist on Substack- JOIN US!

Our Next Meeting will be Wednesday April 23 at 12 EST. Artists need each other. We just do. Send me a message or reply to this email to RSVP and I’ll send you the link!