When You Don't Have A Map
On starting before you are ready.
Where do your dreams come from? What twist of fate started this path?
I’ve got two choir memories that really stand out. The first one was a high school regional choir festival. It was an auditioned choir of about 100 singers from all over New England. Being in the middle of that huge sound with all it's range and complexity is still one of my favorite musical memories.
The second one was at a summer camp, where we sang a short, simple, repeating song that had 3 parts. I was near the center of about 100 people singing in tight concentric circles, bouncing together to the beat. It was healing, joyful, and bonding, and I won't ever forget it.
Those two memories form the scaffolding of a dream I’ve got: leading resplendent audience choirs. I want everyone to experience being right in the middle of a big, beautiful, sound.
How many singers from high school choruses, youth church choirs, and college acapella groups can't fit regular rehearsals into their adult lives? These are singers who can handle a part with a little depth. They’re in the audience, and so are folks who have little or no experience singing. They need parts that are simple and intuitive. I’m trying to compose a series of pieces that serves both groups. I’m dreaming of spontaneous choral one night stands. I’m trying to be be brave enough to conduct them.
Audience choirs are tricky. I need folks to trust that I can carry them through this experience without anyone ending up embarrassed. In order for them to trust me I need to know what I’m doing, but there’s no way to practice that except on stage, in front of an audience, exposed because I DON’T know what I’m doing. You see the dilemma. That’s why this particular dream sat on the back burner for years. I've done some audience participation at concerts. I’ve taught a chorus, led some clapping, and done some call and response, but I’ve never tried something as ambitious as what I am imagining. Until…
Friday night. I finally did it! (Huge thanks to Lisa Piccirillo for asking me to be a part of her single release) We performed my composition in 3 part harmony with about 45 singers. The keyboard went out and I couldn't read my own handwriting as I tried to introduce the thing, but it more or less worked, and I’ve been surfing on it ever since.
The music was fun- it really was, but the elation I’m riding is because I just finally stopped thinking and planning and set a date to try. I wanted to back out. If I hadn’t announced I was doing it and personally invited folks to be there, I would have 100% chickened out. I’m glad I obligated myself to it, and admitted that there is sometimes no way around learning onstage, and that was the only way to get down that mountain.
I uncovered more about how to lead an audience choir in those 15 minutes than in about 10 years of dreaming about doing it.
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” - Anais Nin
Let’s stop planning things to death. We really CAN set things in motion and learn as we go. It's hard to publicly show that you don’t, in fact, have it all together. No one likes to actually lose it in front of people, but it’s just the risk we have to take to get out of the harbor. These are uncharted seas, my friend! We’ve got to be present enough to steer by the stars, and every time we do: we build that bravery muscle. It really does get easier. Whether it's getting onstage with your whole self or just starting hard conversations that you don't know the answer to, it takes daring to set the unknown in motion. You can’t draw a map to a place you’ve never been. You can trust yourself to learn as you go. Yes, someone is watching. While that might make you feel vulnerable, it’s likely that they’re not judging your incompetence. They’ve got their own story, and their own harbor that they’re longing to launch from. They might be watching you flex your backbone and hoping they can do the same.
I’m thinking of you, starting before you’re ready, and how lucky we all are that you’re willing to do it.
Does this resonate? If so, would you please share it with someone? Sure, it can be social media post, but if you do it directly, with a note from you saying you are thinking of them and thought this might be up their alley, I don’t know, I find that more human. You can forward the email, or share the link.
It’s a kind, practical way to help me keep “A Wilder Wonder” growing. Thanks. Truly. ❤️ Jes
In addition to a whole bunch of summer shows coming up, I am planning on spending some good time in the print studio this summer getting all these digital sketches I have been sharing with you into the real world with some actual ink. In addition, I have space for a limited number of portrait commissions, and as I know these usually pile up around the holidays, I am trying to plan early. If you are interested in working together to create a portrait of someone special, let’s talk! Printmaking is a great medium for commissions because we can share the original work with many people. Here are a couple of recent works. EMAIL jesraymondart@gmail.com
Love this! Your prints and drawings are stunning!
Yes, It isn't everyday someone shares a dream realized! Surf away. I can see how singing or music --chanting, dancing--anything done in unison would be a powerful lift for your humanity. For me, just writing on substack is a dream and I am truly writing the map as I go along.